Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Sweet vindication in Inaya

Bored and frustrated with all the metagame controversies I've gotten myself involved in recently, I decided to undock and find some more carebears to fuck with in order to relieve some stress and remind myself why I love this game.

With that in mind, I scanned down an unsuspecting Hyperion flown by a carebear named Jesalina Nissem and warped in with my Police Pursuit Comet to try and coax her into a fight.

Yep...EVE porn...
Caught in a trap
Jesalina had left a Mobile Tractor Unit at the entrance to the mission pocket, and herself was sitting some 70km away plugging away at the red crosses, so I began to shoot at the MTU. I carefully kept my drones docked out of the concern that T2 drones might make me look more dangerous and less inviting to shoot. My blasters soon had the MTU in armor as Jesalina rushed over to try and scoop it.

Meanwhile, a neutral Ishkur warped in, flown by one Krig Povelli. I had seen Krig around and shared some chat channels with him, but had never really talked to him, so I couldn't blame him when he decided to warp scramble me.

I knew Krig was likely to have offgrid boosts, and perhaps logi support on the way, so I launched my 3 ECM drones, thinking to make my escape, as I powered up my own warp scrambler and turned my blasters on him. I succeeded at jamming him, and for a moment I probably could have gotten away, but the red mist of battle was clouding my eyes and I went all in.

Next a Dramiel landed. I knew at this point that I was fucked and the Comet was lost, it was just a matter of time. They took out my drones quickly. I figured the only possibility of salvaging a partial victory from this situation was to go after the Dramiel. Drams can be squishy if you can pull them into blaster range, so I overheated my AB and my guns and went for him. I was applying pretty good damage until the last of my drones died but wasn't quite able to break his tank. Then I accidentally burned out my AB, and my last hope was gone. I tried in vain to pull off some slingshot maneuvers and escape, but it just wasn't happening.

I did get to test out my dual rep Comet fit under stress for the first time, though, and found it to be very durable indeed.

All this time Jesalina sat and watched, no doubt laughing as street justice was being done to the impudent ninja who had been disrespecting his MTU.

As I warped my pod to safety, I was invited to a private conversation with the Dramiel pilot, Mogdud Sateros.

[ 2014.04.02 01:37:29 ] Kalim Dabo > o/
[ 2014.04.02 01:37:40 ] Mogdud Saturos > when your le drops off com back out here and get on this hyperion
[ 2014.04.02 01:38:03 ] Kalim Dabo > lol, k
[ 2014.04.02 01:38:12 ] Kalim Dabo > he didn't engage me though
[ 2014.04.02 01:38:16 ] Mogdud Saturos > shes suspect, just dont pop her till we say
[ 2014.04.02 01:38:25 ] Mogdud Saturos > we have kill rights on her
[ 2014.04.02 01:38:48 ] Kalim Dabo > omw
[ 2014.04.02 01:39:03 ] Kalim Dabo > only have a slasher handy
[ 2014.04.02 01:39:20 ] Mogdud Saturos > thats fine, you can get on the kill
[ 2014.04.02 01:39:24 ] Mogdud Saturos > maybe snatch the pod

My attackers generously invited me to share in the execution of Jesalina. I jumped into a Slasher and made my way back to where they were pounding on her hull.

[ 2014.04.02 01:42:11 ] Mogdud Saturos > if we get her to eject then just untarget the ship when I tell you
[ 2014.04.02 01:42:19 ] Kalim Dabo > k
[ 2014.04.02 01:44:01 ] Mogdud Saturos > its looking good
[ 2014.04.02 01:44:06 ] Mogdud Saturos > we may be stealing her hype
[ 2014.04.02 01:44:18 ] Kalim Dabo > sweet

With a little bit of coaxing, Jesalina was persuaded to surrender her Hyperion. My allies walked away a little bit richer, and I made a few new friends in the region. And friends with logi and Orca support are good friends to have indeed.

Suddenly Vindication
I made a quick trip to the Jita to refit and get ready for the next adventure. This time I opted to go for an Ishkur. Since it was late, I went to sleep after I had returned to Osmon fully equipped.

Then this morning I got up and went out to have a quick scan of the neighborhood. The pickings were a little bit slim, but in Inaya, near the Osmon gate, I located a pair of carebears. One was in a Vindicator and the other in a Drake Navy Issue, and they were in a mission pocket together. I was skeptical of trying to take on both of them solo in an assault frigate, but figured I'd warp in with my cloaky scout and at least try and assess the situation. They were both hanging around in a cleared mission room, looting and salvaging their wrecks.

That's when I noticed that the Vindicator pilot had an active killright.

I checked it and saw it was for 100 million isk. Then I checked my wallet and saw that I had 101,269,878.66 isk. (Yeah, I know. I must be terrible at EVE.)

I hopped in my Ishkur and warped in. The Vindi pilot sat perfectly still while I burned out 60 km to him, activated the killright and scrammed him. He may have been afk, because it took about 5 minutes for him to pull in his salvage drones and get out his Hobgoblins, which I then dispatched. He had no hope whatsoever of landing a single hit on me with his 425mm railguns while I orbited at 500m, so without drones to help him, it was just a matter of slowly burning him down.

Meanwhile, the Navy Drake pilot moved closer and gave me the carebear stare. Since I had activated a killright, there was no need for me  to incur a suspect flag this time, and his only hope of stopping me was to set his safety to red, commend his soul to CONCORD, and open fire. This he did without making any noticeable impact on my shields. It was poetic to see CONCORD, so often touted as the saviour of carebears, show up to put a carebear down.

With his only hope of assistance gone and criminally flagged, the Vindicator pilot accepted my conversation and we began to discuss the terms of his surrender.

[ 2014.04.02 13:00:08 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > да (yes)
[ 2014.04.02 13:00:14 ] Kalim Dabo > 400 million isk or the Vindicator dies
[ 2014.04.02 13:00:22 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > ок
[ 2014.04.02 13:01:03 ] Kalim Dabo > send the isk now
[ 2014.04.02 13:01:25 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > 200
[ 2014.04.02 13:01:52 ] Kalim Dabo > send it
[ 2014.04.02 13:03:07 ] Kalim Dabo > send it NOW!
[ 2014.04.02 13:03:07 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > Стой (stop)
[ 2014.04.02 13:04:15 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > стой (stop)

My wallet blinked and I saw that he had sent 200 mil.

[ 2014.04.02 13:04:33 ] Kalim Dabo > ok, now send 200 more - the ransom is 400 mil
[ 2014.04.02 13:04:42 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > отправил (sent)
[ 2014.04.02 13:05:26 ] Kalim Dabo > thanks for doing business!

Then I podded him.

I looted as much as I could carry from the Vindi wreck, then went back to the station to dump it and come back to loot the Navy Drake and get the rest. It ended up taking several trips to get it all - large railguns are large.

As I went back for the last time, the Navy Drake pilot who had attempted to gank me evidently had lost his criminal flag and come back in an Impairor to get what he could. We landed on the acceleration gate at the same time and warped in to the mission room. Then it was a race to the wreck. He convoed me.

[ 2014.04.02 13:17:58 ] Kalim Dabo > o/
[ 2014.04.02 13:18:18 ] CTAPbIU EBPEU > сегодня твой день (Today is your day.)
[ 2014.04.02 13:18:41 ] Kalim Dabo > sorry, my russian is a little rusty

I was about 20km form him and had a generous lead in the race at this point, when he opened fire on me once again. I loled and set my drones on him as I turned around. His rookie ship was no match for my elite PvP excellence however, and I quickly destroyed him, then killed his pod too.

[ 2014.04.02 13:20:22 ] Kalim Dabo > that was unwise, sir
[ 2014.04.02 13:21:26 ] CTAPbIU EBPEU > normally
[ 2014.04.02 13:21:32 ] Kalim Dabo > :D

Even pirates have a heart...
After all this went down I was invited to yet another conversation with the Vindicator pilot.

[ 2014.04.02 13:09:23 ] Kalim Dabo > how can i help you?
[ 2014.04.02 13:10:09 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > так не делают деньги верни (so do not bring back the money)
[ 2014.04.02 13:11:19 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > bring back money
[ 2014.04.02 13:11:47 ] Kalim Dabo > lol
[ 2014.04.02 13:12:14 ] Kalim Dabo > i'll donate it to charity, how about that?
[ 2014.04.02 13:13:18 ] 1 CTPAHHUK > God Stobie

I work hard to be a successful EVE pirate, and obviously I have a great deal of pride in my workmanship. That said, what would the community think of me if I went around giving ransom money back after I have collected it? Especially since the individual in question stiffed me, paying me only 200 mil when I asked for 400.

However, I do have a heart and sympathize with 1 CTPAHHUK's loss. So as a compromise I agreed to donate the 200 million isk to charity in his name. After all, he's a rich Vindicator pilot, obviously he can afford it. So in that spirit, I have sent the 200 mil to James 315 and the New Order of Highsec, to purchase 200 shares in 1 CTPAHHUK's name. I'm sure that James will use the money to do good works all over high sec.

Killing it forward
This thrilling highsec game content was dedicated to all the carebears out there in forums and blogs calling for additional nerfs to highsec PvP and pirate culture. In particular, I dedicated these murders to Mr. Ripard Teg for his recent heresy. If he has a soul he will reimburse their losses.

The killings will continue until all carebears HTFU.


  1. I laughed when I saw your Evemail. I don't do high-sec pirating (quite simply because I didn't realize it could be so profitable). While I agree with Ripard's point about the Bonus Room, I also wholly support your endeavors! Very good read, and well done on the kill. From the writeup, though, it looks as if he did send the 400 mil, then you killed him anyways. If that's not true, might want to clear that up. You're an honorable pirate after all, right?

  2. There was a little bit of conversation lag happening, he actually only sent 200 mil. Of course, I always honor ransoms like any good pirate. ;)