Monday, December 23, 2013

Revolutionary Front is recruiting!

Apologies in advance to my readers for the shameless recruitment ad that follows. Feel free to skip this one, or flame me in the comments, or put a bounty on my head (hopefully in-game).

I continue to recieve mails from new players who have read my Newbie's Handbook for Evil Shenanigans and are looking for help to get into the pirate lifestyle. It has been some time since I disbanded Revolutionary Front, formerly the greatest new player friendly pirate corp in EVE. In that time I've gotten over most of my CEO burnout, reflected a lot over the lessons that I learned, and I am now at the point where I am ready to give this another try.

Who am I looking for?
RVFRO is looking for players who are ready and willing participate in corporate projects and who can make their own fun without having their hands held. Newbies and older players are all welcome, and people who want to FC or instigate group activities are most welcome indeed. Recruitment is fairly open, there are no SP limits, we don't generally require any API. The catch is that we may ask you to carry out some evil mission to prove your compatability with our core values.

We are all adults here who have families and lives outside of the game, so you may find yourself more or less alone in corp chat part of the time. You can use these opportunities to hang out with our New Order comrades or to enjoy aspects of the game outside of our core activities. I don't really give a crap if you want to mine or run missions, EVE is a big game and has lots of things to try, go ahead and do what you want. If you lose an expensive ship doing something silly we will just laugh at you for a little while then forget about it.

What sort of things will we be doing?

*Minerbumping
The Supreme Protector and Spiritual
Father of our Movement

James 315, the spiritual father of our movement, developed and perfected the art of bumping miners out of range in order to enforce the Code and collect mining permit fees. You too can enjoy this simple and engaging activity in highsec. Every member of Revolutionary Front is a registered Agent of the New Order, and we patrol our active regions diligently to ensure compliance with the Code. A mining permit is 10 million isk for one year, and in the course of selling them you can expect all sorts of amusing hijinks from uncooperative miners. To learn the details, and gain a deeper level of insight as to what this corporation is all about, visit www.minerbumping.com

*Suicide Ganking
There is nothing quite like warping in on some unsuspecting carebear and immolating their favorite ship in a hail of antimatter. Sometimes a gentle bump isn't enough to compel a miner to buy a permit. Sometimes you need some isk and see somebody autopiloting around with a valuable cargo. Sometimes you just want to murder somebody for a laugh. Suicide ganking is hilarious good fun and highly addictive. I strongly recommend that all RVFRO members train a dedicated ganking alt so they can continue to do this without interfering with other highsec activities.

*Ninja Looting
We live off the blood and sweat of others in highsec. Ninja looting is one of our most reliable sources of income - we scan down people running missions and steal all their hard-earned treasure. In doing so, we suspect flag ourselves, meaning that we can be attacked by anybody. Often the foolish carebears, angry about their loot, decide to shoot at us. Which is wonderful, because it means that we can shoot back, and their expensive missioning ship then becomes ours. The key to our success in this is that we all live in the same area and that everybody keeps a logi (healer) ship ready at all times to help out their comrades.

*Solo and Small Gang PvP
Sometimes you just have to head out into low/nullsec and find something to kill, either alone or with friends. Serving the community in highsec as we do is good fun, but goodfights are nice too.

*Other Business
Whether we are enforcing the Code or working towards our own interests, sometimes we find that unconventional tactics are needed. As an initiated member of the Revolutionary Front, you will find that all options not specifically forbidden by the EULA or ToS are available to you. Wardecs, corporate infiltration, reverse AWOXing, scamming, etc are all tools that we can use as the situation requires.

How do I apply?
If you are not already familiar with the New Order, surf to www.minerbumping.com and educate yourself. If you are still interested, then join our in-game chat channel - Revolution! and send an EVE mail to Haedonism Bot to show your interest. I'll be in touch with you soon to discuss whether you are a good fit and how you can demonstrate your commitment to the cause.

If you are very new, we'd love to have you in our corp, but there are a few things you should do before you join us. First, finish the tutorials. Second, go to the EVE University website and get your overview set up properly. Then contact me.

Bear in mind that while this is a newbie friendly corporation, it is not exactly a training corporation. In this corp you can feel free to try new things, fail in hilarious fashion, learn from your mistakes, and try again - just don't expect a lot of instruction in basic game mechanics (unless we manage to recruit people who want to teach). For that sort of thing I encourage you to take public classes at E-Uni and check out all the information available on the internet.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Haedonism Bot Mentors a New Player

I'm all about helping new players. In fact, I've devoted most of my EVE career to it, first with EVE Uni, then my own corp, Revolutionary Front, for awhile with BNI as well. That doesn't mean that I don't kill new players when I have a chance. I see it as only being fair to them to allow them to participate in all aspects of the game, including becoming the victims of piracy. I just try not to be a dick about it.

Those of you who follow my blog know that I sometimes use my old inactive corp, Revolutionary Front, as a reverse-awox corp. Lately I have been working on some side projects with some of my alts who are still in RVFRO, and decided I'd do a bit of recruiting while I was at it. I put some ads out there, and soon a young player named Ellie Tivianne responded. He was only 7 days in the game, and looking for a mining corp to join as he was wrapping up his tutorials.

My policy is to accept everyone who applies when I am doing this sort of thing (hopefully none of you plans to use this information to kill me), so I invited him/her to join the corp. Once he accepted, I got him to join my standing fleet and checked fleet composition to find him 8 jumps away in a Venture. Then I fitted an extra warp scrambler to my Tormentor and went out to find him.

Ellie was sitting in an asteroid belt mining happily away when I showed up and warp jammed him.

     
[ 2013.12.07 01:25:45 ] Iaculus > hi ellie
[ 2013.12.07 01:26:07 ] Ellie Tivianne > o/
[ 2013.12.07 01:26:17 ] Iaculus > i regret to inform you that you have fallen victim to a despicable act of piracy
[ 2013.12.07 01:26:38 ] Ellie Tivianne > I could always run away!
[ 2013.12.07 01:26:45 ] Iaculus > i now have you tackled, and must insist on some form of ransom
[ 2013.12.07 01:26:49 ] Ellie Tivianne > to the ... one station in the system
[ 2013.12.07 01:27:12 ] Ellie Tivianne > I will give you 4 isk
[ 2013.12.07 01:27:16 ] Iaculus > lets say... 2 million isk?
[ 2013.12.07 01:27:24 ] Ellie Tivianne > 5 isk
[ 2013.12.07 01:27:32 ] Iaculus > 1.5 million
[ 2013.12.07 01:27:36 ] Ellie Tivianne > ...
[ 2013.12.07 01:27:41 ] Ellie Tivianne > 7, and that's my last offer
[ 2013.12.07 01:28:01 ] Iaculus > i'm afraid that's not going to work
[ 2013.12.07 01:28:19 ] Iaculus > i'm going to lower your shields a bit, don't be alarmed
[ 2013.12.07 01:29:16 ] Iaculus > ok, still there?
[ 2013.12.07 01:29:18 ] Ellie Tivianne > only slightly alarmed
[ 2013.12.07 01:29:23 ] Iaculus > how about 1 million isk
[ 2013.12.07 01:29:37 ] Ellie Tivianne > 10isk

At this point Ellie unleashed her two Hobgoblin 1s at me, and I nearly killed one of them, but he got wise and recalled them.

[ 2013.12.07 01:30:14 ] Ellie Tivianne > noooo, you injured steve the drone
[ 2013.12.07 01:30:22 ] Iaculus > i will also accept assets of equivalent value
[ 2013.12.07 01:30:47 ] Iaculus > you can contract them to me
[ 2013.12.07 01:31:03 ] Ellie Tivianne > problem is
[ 2013.12.07 01:31:10 ] Ellie Tivianne > this ship isn't even worth 1mil
[ 2013.12.07 01:31:23 ] Iaculus > really?
[ 2013.12.07 01:31:30 ] Iaculus > let me check the market
[ 2013.12.07 01:31:33 ] Ellie Tivianne > 300k
[ 2013.12.07 01:32:12 ] Iaculus > the hull is worth 300k, but one must also consider the modules and drones
[ 2013.12.07 01:32:23 ] Iaculus > ok, i'll let you go for 350k
[ 2013.12.07 01:32:54 ] Ellie Tivianne > if you let me go, I'll give you some exotic dancers that I have with the rest of my stuff
[ 2013.12.07 01:32:56 ] Ellie Tivianne > ;)
[ 2013.12.07 01:33:06 ] Iaculus > contract them to me
[ 2013.12.07 01:33:18 ] Ellie Tivianne > They're a few jumps away
[ 2013.12.07 01:33:33 ] Ellie Tivianne > Dancing with the scientists I left there
[ 2013.12.07 01:33:36 ] Iaculus > you can contract them from here, just go to your assets
[ 2013.12.07 01:33:52 ] Iaculus > right click on the item, create contract

I shoot a couple of volleys, taking him into structure.

[ 2013.12.07 01:34:32 ] Iaculus > don't be scared
[ 2013.12.07 01:35:16 ] Iaculus > i have a medical condition, my finger sometimes twitches uncontrollably near the F1 key
[ 2013.12.07 01:37:11 ] Iaculus > ellie, make me an offer
[ 2013.12.07 01:37:22 ] Ellie Tivianne > I thought I contracted you 2 lady dancers?
[ 2013.12.07 01:37:27 ] Ellie Tivianne > They can dance with each other

I check my contracts, and find that Ellie had indeed contracted me two female exotic dancers.

[ 2013.12.07 01:37:42 ] Iaculus > why so you did, sorry
[ 2013.12.07 01:37:49 ] Ellie Tivianne > I don't have any man dancers I'm afraid
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:02 ] Ellie Tivianne > But the scientists could probably dance if you paid them well enough
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:08 ] Iaculus > wasn't paying enough attention, i guess
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:16 ] Iaculus > thanks for the dancers
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:46 ] Iaculus > i guess that means your ransom is paid and you are free to go, then
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:48 ] Ellie Tivianne > I still have no idea where I got them
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:52 ] Iaculus > but...
[ 2013.12.07 01:38:59 ] Ellie Tivianne > and good good, I've run out of space in my ore hold
[ 2013.12.07 01:39:03 ] Iaculus > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL!!!!


[ 2013.12.07 01:39:32 ] Ellie Tivianne > :(
[ 2013.12.07 01:39:51 ] Iaculus > ok, now let's discuss the value of your pod
[ 2013.12.07 01:40:07 ] Iaculus > how about....5 million isk?
[ 2013.12.07 01:40:35 ] Iaculus > no?
[ 2013.12.07 01:40:43 ] Iaculus > got any implants?
[ 2013.12.07 01:40:52 ] Ellie Tivianne > why would I have implants?
[ 2013.12.07 01:40:57 ] Iaculus > medical clone up to date?
[ 2013.12.07 01:41:02 ] Ellie Tivianne > this char is only 370k sp
[ 2013.12.07 01:41:07 ] Ellie Tivianne > the clone is ALWAYS up to date
[ 2013.12.07 01:41:12 ] Iaculus > ok, ok
[ 2013.12.07 01:41:29 ] Iaculus > but surely you can give me something for it
[ 2013.12.07 01:42:07 ] Iaculus > don't worry, i always honor ransoms - it's the pirate's code
[ 2013.12.07 01:42:30 ] Ellie Tivianne > I've seen pirates of the carribbean, pirates don't follow a code
[ 2013.12.07 01:42:43 ] Iaculus > sure we do
[ 2013.12.07 01:43:27 ] Iaculus > allright then, it pains me to have to do this, but i must destroy your pod
[ 2013.12.07 01:43:49 ] Ellie Tivianne > to what gain?
[ 2013.12.07 01:44:01 ] Iaculus > as a self respecting pirate, i simply can't let you go for nothing
[ 2013.12.07 01:44:08 ] Ellie Tivianne > well, there is a yoloSWAGxxx420420isk
[ 2013.12.07 01:44:09 ] Ellie Tivianne > bounty
[ 2013.12.07 01:44:20 ] Ellie Tivianne > but a 420420isk bounty ain't much really
[ 2013.12.07 01:44:24 ] Iaculus > my reputation would be ruined
[ 2013.12.07 01:44:43 ] Ellie Tivianne > yet podding someone in a venture 2 jumps from a satrter system boosts your rep?
[ 2013.12.07 01:45:05 ] Iaculus > i don't discriminate :)
[ 2013.12.07 01:45:30 ] Iaculus > i like to involve new players as well as vets
[ 2013.12.07 01:45:56 ] Iaculus > it wouldn't be fair to do otherwise


[ 2013.12.07 01:47:02 ] Iaculus > anyway, i hope you enjoyed your time in our corp, i suppose you will be moving on now
[ 2013.12.07 01:47:34 ] Iaculus > you can still get the ore from your wreck, i'm only taking the modules
[ 2013.12.07 01:48:06 ] Ellie Tivianne > what, 2 miner I's, a 1mn afterburner and a small shield
[ 2013.12.07 01:48:10 ] Ellie Tivianne > wow, what loot
[ 2013.12.07 01:48:24 ] Iaculus > if you truly are a new player, i hope this experience inspires you to persue a life of piracy
[ 2013.12.07 01:48:48 ] Ellie Tivianne > not really
[ 2013.12.07 01:49:07 ] Iaculus > trust me, it's way more fun than staring at rocks
[ 2013.12.07 01:49:28 ] Ellie Tivianne > eh, been watching stuff at the same time
[ 2013.12.07 01:49:31 ] Ellie Tivianne > plus
[ 2013.12.07 01:49:38 ] Ellie Tivianne > I have been mining for all of 3 hours
[ 2013.12.07 01:49:50 ] Iaculus > i get that, i do
[ 2013.12.07 01:50:06 ] Iaculus > i started out mining too, it's ok for awhile
[ 2013.12.07 01:50:26 ] Ellie Tivianne > no, I mean I have literally only done the starting mission arcs
[ 2013.12.07 01:50:29 ] Iaculus > but only the least creative type of player makes a career out of it
[ 2013.12.07 01:50:50 ] Iaculus > Ellie Tivianne i understand what you are saying
[ 2013.12.07 01:50:51 ] Ellie Tivianne > I was mining while waiting for something to build for the 10/10 mission
[ 2013.12.07 01:51:17 ] Iaculus > that's cool, and you should definitely finish those missions
[ 2013.12.07 01:51:27 ] Ellie Tivianne > well
[ 2013.12.07 01:51:29 ] Ellie Tivianne > I was going to
[ 2013.12.07 01:52:47 ] Iaculus > and when you are done with them, the best thing to do is join a training corp like EVE University, for a little while at least
[ 2013.12.07 01:53:09 ] Iaculus > get your bearings a little that way
[ 2013.12.07 01:53:26 ] Ellie Tivianne > I was more waiting to make more money to fit a cloak on that venture
[ 2013.12.07 01:53:28 ] Ellie Tivianne > but sure
[ 2013.12.07 01:53:38 ] Ellie Tivianne > which I'm glad I left in station
[ 2013.12.07 01:54:34 ] Iaculus > if you keep playing eve, you'll find that the thing that really distinguishes this game is the cutthroat pvp
[ 2013.12.07 01:54:46 ] Ellie Tivianne > Yup
[ 2013.12.07 01:54:55 ] Iaculus > you can lie to people, scam them, steal from them, murder them, it's awesome
[ 2013.12.07 01:54:59 ] Ellie Tivianne > Just don't think that killing a venture is really that cutthroat
[ 2013.12.07 01:55:23 ] Iaculus > oh believe me, i would have killed you whatever you were flying
[ 2013.12.07 01:55:47 ] Iaculus > i cast a wide net and take whatever swims into it, i've gotten great kills that way
[ 2013.12.07 01:55:50 ] Ellie Tivianne > hmm, better get friends to guard me next time I join a new corp then
[ 2013.12.07 01:56:11 ] Iaculus > haha, just do a little research first
[ 2013.12.07 01:56:48 ] Iaculus > if you had googled us, you would have found my blog everevolutionaryfront.blogspot.com
[ 2013.12.07 01:57:15 ] Iaculus > sorry, i'll link that properly www.everevolutionaryfront.blogspot.com
[ 2013.12.07 01:57:32 ] Iaculus > it pretty much spells out everything about us
[ 2013.12.07 01:57:44 ] Ellie Tivianne > I'll make sure to google someone next time then :P
[ 2013.12.07 01:57:55 ] Iaculus > ^^ good plan
[ 2013.12.07 01:58:26 ] Iaculus > anyway, this has been fun, have a glorious evening
[ 2013.12.07 01:58:49 ] Ellie Tivianne > Toodleoo
[ 2013.12.07 01:58:57 ] Ellie Tivianne > Fly safe-ish o7

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Pew pew splat ARRGGGHHH#@$%#$@!!!!

I snuck away from the wife for an hour or so of EVE last night (I am becoming the ultimate filthy casual). I didn't feel I had time to scan down any MRs, but I wanted to see an imaginary spaceship explode, so I dusted off the suicide ganking alt, hopped in a shiny new Catalyst, christened her "YOU GONNA DIE BIOTCH" and popped a Retriever in an asteroid belt.


...and the aftermath

[ 2013.11.27 03:30:56 ] H3donism Bot > gf
[ 2013.11.27 03:31:40 ] Tanja Auffrie > lmao. Lick my dirty anus. gf fight? No thats called a gank get it right. Nice gank though.
[ 2013.11.27 03:33:14 ] Wolfgang Liao > suicide gank?
[ 2013.11.27 03:33:52 ] Tanja Auffrie > Indeed
[ 2013.11.27 03:33:52 ] H3donism Bot > another rebel heroically executed by the new order
[ 2013.11.27 03:34:08 ] H3donism Bot > Kill: Tanja Auffrie (Retriever)
[ 2013.11.27 03:34:29 ] Tanja Auffrie > I hope you like my veld.
[ 2013.11.27 03:34:54 ] H3donism Bot > it is delicious, thank you
[ 2013.11.27 03:40:34 ] H3donism Bot > www.minerbumping.com
[ 2013.11.27 03:41:23 ] Wolfgang Liao > long live the new order
[ 2013.11.27 03:41:45 ] Wolfgang Liao > so say we all
[ 2013.11.27 03:41:55 ] H3donism Bot > ^^
[ 2013.11.27 03:42:25 ] Tanja Auffrie > lol order old order could care less. however a fresh killright... Who isn't down to play with that.
[ 2013.11.27 03:42:55 ] H3donism Bot > ...on a perma-flashy ganker alt
[ 2013.11.27 03:43:00 ] Wolfgang Liao > keep me updated on that i am quite interested in seeing how this plays out
[ 2013.11.27 03:43:03 ] Wolfgang Liao > lol
[ 2013.11.27 03:52:42 ] Tanja Auffrie > Wolfgang Liao consider this updated. I'm waiting on H3donism Bot to play.
[ 2013.11.27 03:55:17 ] Tanja Auffrie > Your perma flash seems to of gone away... More over it looks like your new order isn't worth shit if you can't even undock.
[ 2013.11.27 03:55:49 ] H3donism Bot > your tears sustain me
[ 2013.11.27 03:56:48 ] Tanja Auffrie > I'll wait here all night if I have to darling. I'll gank a miner for the shits and giggles but I'll also take a good fight. Something it seems your not willing to do.
[ 2013.11.27 03:58:04 ] Tanja Auffrie > Lets see you get another miner tonight. Its not going to happen till after I've killed you.
[ 2013.11.27 03:58:16 ] H3donism Bot > lol
[ 2013.11.27 03:58:21 ] Tanja Auffrie > That your you jc away.
[ 2013.11.27 04:01:20 ] H3donism Bot > Tanja Auffrie I have a mining permit with your name on it
[ 2013.11.27 04:01:30 ] H3donism Bot > 10 million isk
[ 2013.11.27 04:01:36 ] Lileena Joringer > LOL
[ 2013.11.27 04:01:38 ] Tanja Auffrie > Fuck your permit, come out here and die. lol
[ 2013.11.27 04:02:57 ] Tanja Auffrie > Its a good think I do my home work as I mine. I have no issue doing homework as I wait for your sorry ass to undock.
[ 2013.11.27 04:03:45 ] H3donism Bot > i notice that you lack a basic understanding of highsec mechanics
[ 2013.11.27 04:04:22 ] Wolfgang Liao > what station is he in lol
[ 2013.11.27 04:04:28 ] H3donism Bot > if you will observe, my security status is -5.5, kind of precludes any dueling in highsec
[ 2013.11.27 04:04:35 ] H3donism Bot > however...
[ 2013.11.27 04:04:39 ] Tanja Auffrie > Not looking for a duel.
[ 2013.11.27 04:05:05 ] Tanja Auffrie > I just want to bust one of your little gank cattys.
[ 2013.11.27 04:05:09 ] H3donism Bot > perhaps you would like to fight my main, Kalim Dabo?
[ 2013.11.27 04:05:32 ] H3donism Bot > he is a respectable -1.5 and can move around in highsec at will
[ 2013.11.27 04:05:39 ] Tanja Auffrie > Nope. I just want your catty. I'll make you a deal... You can pay me 30mill ISK and I'll let you go.
[ 2013.11.27 04:06:02 ] H3donism Bot > haha, and how would you stop me from going if i chose?
[ 2013.11.27 04:06:13 ] Tanja Auffrie > Simple. I kill you.
[ 2013.11.27 04:06:20 ] Tanja Auffrie > Or you can jc out of here.
[ 2013.11.27 04:06:20 ] Soren Markus > heh, thats cute
[ 2013.11.27 04:06:31 ] H3donism Bot > have a magic bubble, perhaps?
[ 2013.11.27 04:06:56 ] H3donism Bot > to prevent me from simply warping away?
[ 2013.11.27 04:07:19 ] Tanja Auffrie > Maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe you'll die. EVE is all about the risks.
[ 2013.11.27 04:07:37 ] Soren Markus > no, eve is all about being invulnerable for a few seconds after undock :P
[ 2013.11.27 04:08:07 ] H3donism Bot > ^^=D
[ 2013.11.27 04:08:19 ] Lilth Shandel > lol If they risk the few seconds. So far they haven't.
[ 2013.11.27 04:08:34 ] Soren Markus > because hes enjoying your company
[ 2013.11.27 04:08:44 ] Soren Markus > he wont go til you stop being entertaining :)
[ 2013.11.27 04:08:50 ] H3donism Bot > well, trouble is, i don't really have anywhere i want to go atm
[ 2013.11.27 04:08:56 ] Tanja Auffrie > ^_^ I like them too. I just want to shoot at them. XD
[ 2013.11.27 04:09:19 ] Tanja Auffrie > Respect for a gank truely. But I have a nice kill right. I plan on useing it.
[ 2013.11.27 04:09:42 ] H3donism Bot > Tanja Auffrie how about a lesson for you?
[ 2013.11.27 04:09:42 ] Soren Markus > and he plans on letting you, eventually
[ 2013.11.27 04:10:04 ] Soren Markus > itd be stupid to carry it around, hes gonna let someone have it
[ 2013.11.27 04:10:08 ] H3donism Bot > about killrights, and what good they are on perma-flashy pirates
[ 2013.11.27 04:10:32 ] Soren Markus > haha oh right that too
[ 2013.11.27 04:10:37 ] H3donism Bot > news flash - anybody can shoot me anywhere already
[ 2013.11.27 04:11:14 ] Tanja Auffrie > I gues your right. Oh well. I'll just wait to shoot the pirate. XD
[ 2013.11.27 04:11:21 ] H3donism Bot > i advise you make it public for a price though, maybe somebody will be dumb enough to use it and you can recuperate ypur losses
[ 2013.11.27 04:11:46 ] SeaBoy18 > Haha,  Tanja Auffrie even has 3 other corp mates camping the other station
[ 2013.11.27 04:12:01 ] Tanja Auffrie > Indeed.
[ 2013.11.27 04:12:05 ] H3donism Bot > i noticed them in local
[ 2013.11.27 04:12:34 ] H3donism Bot > sure you don't want to fight my main? i promise to cry if i lose
[ 2013.11.27 04:13:08 ] Tanja Auffrie > Its not about making you cry. You just gave me something to do for the night.
[ 2013.11.27 04:13:18 ] H3donism Bot > oh ok
[ 2013.11.27 04:13:53 ] H3donism Bot > well, sorry to dissappoint then, got to go service the wife, see you another time, perhaps
[ 2013.11.27 04:14:03 ] H3donism Bot > and remember...
[ 2013.11.27 04:14:07 ] Tanja Auffrie > I'll be waiting. ^_^
[ 2013.11.27 04:14:12 ] Kasey Elle > oh, wife aggro calls....
[ 2013.11.27 04:14:12 ] H3donism Bot > www.minerbumping.com

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Classic EVE Videos

I've been to busy over the last few days (and likely will be for the next couple days) to actually log in and attempt to murder any mission runners. So sad...

But anyway, I've been enjoying some classic videos from the good old days of EVE during my lunch breaks at work, and I figured I would share a few of them with you.

The Dominix - A Documentary
Made way back in 2006 by Ebedar. This is probably the greatest EVE video ever made. I wasn't able to find this one anywhere on the Youtubes, so I uploaded it myself as a service to the community. Pull up a chair, smoke a doobie, do whatever you need to do, and enjoy.


New Order of Highsec: A Journey Begins
Ok, this one is pretty new, but I know an instant classic when I find it. You can find this and other great videos at www.minerbumping.com


Karma - A Story of Revenge
Sorry, the quality isn't perfect, but enjoy this gripping story from 2007. In those days people who got scammed in Jita occasionally chose not to whine-post on the forums, but rather to take revenge on the scammers.

Glorious Martyrdom of Armageddon in Kiskoken
Watch as fmercury annihilates a mining fleet with a smartbombing Armageddon, dropping to -10 sec status in a matter of seconds. Listen to the voices of his victims on Teamspeak. Ah, the good old days. This one was made in 2009.


Permaband - HTFU
Who can forget this great video from 2009. Let this serve to remind all of us that CCP used to be cool.


Feed me more videos!
Surely I haven't found all the greatest hits yet. Share your links with me. Just remember the basic principles of what makes a great EVE video - first, it should not just be a recording of a PvP encounter (these are usually fun to watch if you were there, but boring otherwise), second - it should not be propaganda for some alliance I don't give a shit about (unless it is clever/funny enough to be appreciated anyway), and third, no tutorials (good if you are trying to learn something specific, boring otherwise).

Have a glorious day and Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Ninja Blog - Smartbombs in Highsec, the Fucktards Who Use Them, and the Inevitable Result

My ninja education is ongoing. The last few days have been pretty eventful, despite having only a few limited and sporadic hours to actually get out in space. I am still enjoying an encouraging ratio of carebears who are foolish enough to shoot. I'm not keeping count, but it has to be near 50%, which is unlike anything I can remember from the old days pre-Crimewatch. Back then it was probably only somewhere around 4-5%. So either the carebears have gotten stupider, or I have gotten better at making them want to kill me. Or both.

Inconclusive Engagements
I haven't taken any losses since the unfortunate Vigil incident that I reported earlier this week, but I haven't had any kills yet either. I got into two fights with mission runners. The first was a Russian fellow in a Drake, I forget his name. Having no logi backup close at hand I went into his mission in a Merlin (I am fairly confident of being able to take on a Drake in a Merlin solo). The mission bear quickly started shooting as I looted his wrecks, so I pulled into a close orbit, got point, and began blapping drones. I took down his Hammerhead 2s, but by then I was taking a fair amount of NPC aggro as well, and my MASB fit wasn't quite able to keep up. As I started to drop down into armor I decided to bail and ran away, then repped my shields in warp and came back, but he had fled.

Ninja lesson #7: Don't forget about the possibility of NPC damage.

If there is one significant way that Crimewatch made a ninja's job harder, I think it must have been that limited engagement timer at the top of the screen. Even the most obtuse carebear, after being lucky enough to survive an encounter with a ninja, can see exactly how long he needs to stay docked in order to be safe from further attacks. If you have to warp off, it seems they always run away.

My next fight was with a Dominix. I did have some logi lined up for this one, so I went in with an armor Rupture. I arrived in the pocket just as the Space-Potato was killing off the last NPCs, and he sat and watched me loot his wrecks for ten minutes before deciding to set his drones on me. I was doing ok for awhile there, as I pointed him, started shooting, and set my Hob 2s to killing off his drones. My logi was on the way, but just couldn't quite get there in time, as he was 200km off the entrance to the room. In the end I had to bail and try a quick-repair-and-turnaround again. He actually sat there and waited for a minute and a half or so in the room with my logo backup, but I just couldn't quite get back before his naturally cowardly nature took over and he ran away. I attempted to smacktalk this guy for awhile in Russian, and got a headache from all the copy/pasting.

Ninja lesson #8: Mission bears are dumb enough to shoot at cruisers, too.

Blundering my way to success
At last, I got a taste of blood. Ninja Bio Natas, a true master of provocation, scanned down a likely Golem in Inaya and got the pilot to attack him in his Crucifier. I had actually been working to line up a little side project with my alt at the time, but was listening on comms and heard when Bio said that he could use a little help with remote repairs, so I undocked in my logi boat and warped to him. Another Ninja had arrived just ahead of me and started in with the reps, incurring a suspect flag for himself.

I landed on top of the Golem in question and was just taking a half second to get my bearings when he suddenly went flashy red to me. WTF? I got on comms, "He just engaged me. I'm not a suspect. He's getting CONCORDed." It happened so fast that it took us a few minutes to figure out what had happened. As it turned out, I had landed from warp just as he was setting off a smartbomb. I got hit, he got a criminal flag, and CONCORD got the kill.



Also, I got a killright on the mission bear. And I made it publicly available for a reasonable price. I had to log off myself to pay some attention to my lovely wife, but when I got back, I noticed that my able colleagues had managed to administer justice to this criminal to the tune of another 635 million isk.

Ninja lesson #9: Carebears are dumb enough to use smartbombs in highsec.



Thirsting for blood and tears
Prepare for some kills. I've got all the ingredients for success finally in the same place and ready to go - killships, logi, and even occasional boosts. The only things that I lack are experience, humility, e-honour, common sense... well, let's not focus on all of the things that I lack. The point is, I expect that by this time next week I will have a few mission runner killmails to brag about, maybe even a stolen mission boat or two in the hangar. Stay tuned for the next episode.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Ninja Bloggery - Getting the Rust Out

After a few months away from EVE, your PvP instincts can go right to shit. My first efforts to get back into things and to master the dark arts of mission invasion have gone somewhat poorly, due to a few silly mistakes on my part. The state of EVE Ninja-ing has changed a bit since the old days of 2011 when I was a few weeks into the game, ninja salvaging in Rens on my super-secret alt to pay the bills while I was enrolled in EVE University with my main. Crimewatch ushered in some drastic changes that resulted in many skilled ninjas going off to try other things and gave rise to the myth that ninja-ing was dead. Since then I have only been a dabbler, it is only now that I have done away with any sort of leadership responsibilities that I had, and I am free to learn the craft all over again like the wide eyed perma-noob that I am.

Mistakes were made
Shortly after being accepted into Suddenly Ninjas, I rushed off and moved my covops and my old ninja-salvage Vigil over to our current base of operations. I was super-eager to get started stealing shit and antagonizing carebears, so I got right out in space and scanned one down - a Tengu in a Level 4. I warped in on him and immediately went after the closest large wreck and looted it. Sweet, I thought, pulling in the isk already. The next thing I knew, the Tengu, sitting perhaps 10km from me, was target painting me. Being that this was my first PvP encounter in almost half a year, and myself being in a space vessel without any weapons, my immediate instinct was to run away. I frantically selected the first celestial I saw on my overview and spammed the warp button. I had forgotten about my pod saver tab.

The celestial object I picked happened to be the local trade hub station and me a suspect. I was able to dock safely though, and got chatting with another Ninja in system and told him I'd been engaged by a Tengu. His reaction was like "dude, why didn't you point him?" Oh yeah, I have a point. D'oh! I quickly found myself in fleet with some friendly local folks who could provide remote repairs and undocked, hoping to get back before my limited engagement timer ran out and apply some warp disruption to the foolish carebear. However, everything had happened so fast, and without voice-comms, that my fleet mates hadn't all been informed of what was going on. Some of them happened to be sitting on the undock of the station I was in, and as soon as I undocked I found myself tackled being shot at. My protests in fleet chat weren't quick enough to stop the inevitable, and I took my first loss in SN to my own fleetmate.

Ninja lesson #1: Point the carebear if he engages you.
Ninja lesson #2: If you need to run away, don't go to a station.
Ninja lesson #3: Know your system and make bookmarks.
Ninja lesson #4: If somebody who should be friendly starts shooting at you on a station undock, dock the fuck back up before trying to explain.
Ninja lesson #5: Have more and better ships ready, fitted, and close at hand.


Kalim Dabo/Haedonism Bot = perma-noob.

Poking the Bears
Ok, back to the drawing board. I was a bit too eager to get started. I spent my very limited playtime over the next few days fitting out ships and staging them in our system, making bookmarks all over nearby space, and generally getting myself ready to start doing it the right way.

Getting back out into space, I quickly located a likely fellow finishing up in a mission pocket. I drop a bookmark and swap out my covops for a shiny new Crucifier. By the time I get back, the bear has left but all the wrecks are still there, so I set about looting them. Just as I am finishing the first room, the bear returns in a Noctis. As he salvages the pocket, I jump through an acceleration gate and begin looting the next room. (I am Kalim Dabo's alt btw, or he is mine, I'm not sure which). I open a convo.


[22:45:11] Kalim Dabo > o/
[22:45:36] Kalim Dabo > i'm stealing your loot :D
[22:45:51] lola Tazinas > wow
[22:45:53] Kalim Dabo > are you going to sit there and let me do it?
[22:46:14] lola Tazinas > faggot ..
[22:46:18] Kalim Dabo > lol
[22:46:20] Kalim Dabo > that isn
[22:46:24] Kalim Dabo > t nice
[22:46:44] Kalim Dabo > you can have the salvage though
[22:46:49] Kalim Dabo > because i like you
[22:48:05] Kalim Dabo > nothing to say?
[22:49:02] lola Tazinas > will u wait me ?
[22:49:13] lola Tazinas > i come back and rape u okay ?
[22:49:19] Kalim Dabo > please do
[22:49:34] Kalim Dabo > i'll wait
[22:50:23] Kalim Dabo > i don't think you have the cajones for that, though

At that point, I finish looting the last wreck and lola warps off. I hang around in the last room and wait, checking d-scan and hoping he'll come back with a nice juicy mission running battleship or battlecruiser with guns too large to track my little frigate. An Imperial Navy Slicer shows up on d-scan. No, I don't think I'll fight that with my slow little salvager-fit Crucifier and no logi backup, I figure, so I warp off to drop my ill-gotten loot at the station. This is meant to be piracy, after all. I'm not here to give out fair fights to every carebear that has ever threatened to rape me.

[22:52:52] Kalim Dabo > well, things to do, have a nice life :)
[22:53:02] lola Tazinas > pussy wait
[22:53:16] Kalim Dabo > sorry, important business...
[22:53:22] Kalim Dabo > another time perhaps
[22:53:29] lola Tazinas > ...
[22:54:08] lola Tazinas > but telling me I am not the one who come
[22:54:14] lola Tazinas > now u leave
[22:54:21] lola Tazinas > ok u was wrong dude
[22:54:29] Kalim Dabo > got to drop all this loot off at the station and cash it in, after all
[22:54:41] Kalim Dabo > got a good 20 mil worth from that mission
[22:55:29] lola Tazinas > lol u think it hurts me ?
[22:55:38] Kalim Dabo > not at all, of course
[22:55:55] Kalim Dabo > but it helps me
[22:56:09] lola Tazinas > ok
[22:56:29] Kalim Dabo > actually, i'd come back if you want to have at it
[22:57:10] lola Tazinas > enjoy it
[22:57:15] Kalim Dabo > just need to drop off my plunder first
[22:58:10] Kalim Dabo > here i come
[22:58:28] lola Tazinas > dude u realy think i am stupid ?
[22:58:48] Kalim Dabo > do you really want me to answer that?
[22:59:04] lola Tazinas > looool
[22:59:29] Kalim Dabo > isn't EVE fun :D
[22:59:37] lola Tazinas > hang yourself away dude
[22:59:52] Kalim Dabo > you too bro, have a glorious evening
[23:01:18] lola Tazinas > lol i amnot your bro ... and y i will have 

...And the shenanigans continue
Several more mission pockets are looted uneventfully but for the plunder and smacktalk over the next couple of days as I steal an hour or two here and there away from the wife to "play that stupid spaceship game." Then this morning I find a Drake about four rooms into a mission and go in after him with my Merlin, which is still my favorite little solo-PvP boat even after all this time. I loot a couple of wrecks and he starts shooting. I don't have logi lined up, but even so it's like, SWEET! I can totally murder a mission-running Drake solo with a Merlin. 

So I lock him, orbit at 500m with my AB, and get point, but quickly start to take drone damage, as I expected I would. I look at my overview for the drones so that I can blow them up, and... I can't find them. I cycle through my tabs, but no drones are to be seen. I look around in space, but can't find them quick enough to lock them. Pretty quickly I realize that if I can't shoot the drones fast, this isn't going to work, so I bail and run off, fix my overview during warp, then come back. Unfortunately, by the time I made it back through the 4 acceleration gates to where he had been he had gotten smart and docked up.

That one did come back after his timer was up with a Raven, but he wouldn't shoot me again despite my best efforts to taunt him. There was a bit of smack talk exchanged, but he was Russian and the language barrier meant we communicated primarily with smiley and frowny emoticons (neither of us being proficient with Google translate on the fly). While this was amusing for me, I don't think you lot would be entertained by it.

Ninja lesson #6: Get your overview straightened out.


Gratuitous spaceship porn

My people, I bring you the Good News
Carebears still shoot at ninjas. I looted 6 missions during the past week since I joined Suddenly Ninjas. Three of the bears attempted to engage me. While I wasn't able to kill any of them or steal their spaceships, mainly because I suck terribly at playing EVE, nonetheless that is a shocking and highly encouraging ratio. It is only a matter of time, I figure, before the killmails and ransoms start rolling my way.

In the meantime, my colleagues have had more success than I. Here are a few samples from the Suddenly Ninjas killboard this week. Enjoy, and have a glorious evening.

Legion - 400 million isk
Navy Raven - 1.07 billion isk
Navy Scorpion - 1.88 billion isk
Gila - 200 million isk
Pod - 400 million isk

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Suddenly Ninjas!

My loyal fans haven't seen much of me lately. My attempts to guide the bears gently to the Code last spring left me feeling empty and frustrated. Despite many hundreds of hours of dedicated service, I was unable to get through to even a single one of this hard-hearted and ungrateful lot, and was forced to destroy all of their imaginary space vessels and purge them from my corporation. The experience left me so disillusioned with EVE and its community that I ragequit for several months. During my time away I took lots of long bike rides, walks on the beach, so forth and so on, seeking some spiritual clarity and inner peace. After much reflection, I have come to the conclusion that the only right thing to do would be to return to EVE and do my utmost to harvest carebear tears and teach them the finer points of the game through the application of lots of good old fashioned tough ninja love.

To this end, I resubbed all of my accounts and went to the old masters of mission invasion, the venerable sages of tear-harvesting, the corporation Suddenly Ninjas, and asked them to take me in among them and teach me their wisdom. Little did I know, during the last few months while I was away, this historic corporation had been undergoing a resurgence, rebuilding their numbers and striking fear into the hearts of mission runners throughout high security space. Several of the finest former members of Revolutionary Front had even joined them, so it feels a bit like coming home after a long journey.

Many of you may remember one of my early articles, The Dark Arts: The Way of the Space Ninja, where I expounded upon the basic techniques of ninja salvaging and ninja looting for new players. In that article I mentioned that the true ninja's art is finding clever ways to murder or even steal the mission runner's space boats. My next few articles you can expect to see in the coming weeks will cover my efforts to master that most excellent craft.

But wait, Bot, I heard that the ninja way was dead...
You heard wrong. Mission invasion is alive and well in EVE despite a long succession of nerfs over the course of several years. The true internet space ninja knows that he must adapt to the changing game, that he must stay one step ahead of the carebears. The bears not being very smart, that part is actually pretty easy. A quick review of the TEARS alliance killboard will reveal that moronic MRs are still losing pricey ships doing foolish things, and my yesterday afternoon in Dodixie was enough to convince me that the isk and the tears are flowing more freely than ever before. I look forward to sharing my adventures with you in the weeks to come. I'll leave you with this killmail from today that was just linked to me in corp chat:
Always pay your ransoms, gentlemen ;)




Friday, June 21, 2013

RVFRO - Pillar of the Community

Our ongoing efforts to reform our corporation, to transform it from a bloodthirsty pirate gang to a humble highsec mining corporation, have continued despite many unforeseen challenges. As of the time of this post, we still do not have any members who actually mine. We have recruited a number of miners, but to my shock and dismay, not one of them has turned out to operate according to the New Halaima Code of Conduct.

Some days I wonder if we should include something like "This corporation supports James 315 and expects all members to be 100% Code compliant" in our corp advert. Then I think, "No...no...this should be self evident, there should be no need to clarify that before accepting an application. We operate in high sec, therefore we must live by the Code." So we will continue to hold our members individually accountable, and to take corrective actions internally when the need arises, so as to not become a burden of extra work for the tireless volunteers who serve as Knights of the New Order. I am confident that we will be a stronger mining corp in the long run because of it.

Here is a brief review of some of the more flagrant Code violators who passed briefly through our corporation recently before we were forced to punish them. All of these individuals then refused my generous offer to allow them to purchase a mining permit and get back to work, forcing me to boot them. Let this be a resource to any CEOs out there wishing to recruit miners, should these unsavory fellows come knocking at your door.

ANZQ
This miscreant was supposed to be the shining hope of our alliance to expand into the Australian timezone. He is a well experienced and highly skilled miner/industrialist who flies exhumers, Orcas, and freighters, and had an extensive collection of BPOs in his possession. Fortunately, our corporate police officer,  none other than my alt Kalim Dabo, caught wind of his intentions to mine without a permit in our home system, and was able to intercept him en route and confiscate/destroy his mining equipment and illicit BPO library, as well as, apparently, all of the rest of his possessions.
Note the position of the scroll bar

We have contacted ANZQ with our standard offer to allow him to make amends and rejoin our corp with a mining permit, but as of yet we have heard no reply, and can only assume the worst - that he is unrepentant of his many crimes against asteroids.

Here is a z-killboard link so you all can fully appreciate the cargo of that freighter.

snowman Sharpie
Never let it be said that we aren't a new player friendly corporation. This scumbag was invited into our corporation despite being a mere three weeks old in the game. We sheltered him, nurtured him, and gave him friendly advice, and he still had the nerve to show up at a mining operation without a permit. The consequences were dire for his Retriever.

He didn't deserve it, but we gave him the opportunity to witness one of our corp members looting and salvaging his wreck while we held his pod tackled in the asteroid belt, giving him the satisfaction of knowing that the remains of his equipment would be going to a good cause before he was podded. He responded with a distinct lack of gratitude, typical of non-Code compliant miners.


[ 2013.06.12 22:05:39 ] snowman Sharpie > ok im ready. where are you guys again?
[ 2013.06.12 22:06:16 ] Invisible Dog > Hirizan
[ 2013.06.12 22:06:30 ] snowman Sharpie > 18 jump away
[ 2013.06.12 22:07:03 ] Invisible Dog > we'll be hare when you arrive :D should be more logging on soon too
[ 2013.06.12 22:08:22 ] snowman Sharpie > cool i have a class in about 40 min
[ 2013.06.12 22:09:38 ] Invisible Dog > k
[ 2013.06.12 22:34:08 ] snowman Sharpie > im here
[ 2013.06.12 22:34:36 ] Kalim Dabo > cool
[ 2013.06.12 22:36:00 ] Kalim Dabo > 25 million or the retriever dies
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:11 ] Kalim Dabo > i'm going to take your shields down a bit - don't be alarmed
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:12 ] snowman Sharpie > me?
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:18 ] Kalim Dabo > yes :D
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:31 ] Kalim Dabo > turns out... I'm actually a pirate
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:40 ] snowman Sharpie > ok ok
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:52 ] Kalim Dabo > 25 mil
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:55 ] Kalim Dabo > 9
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:57 ] Kalim Dabo > 8
[ 2013.06.12 22:37:58 ] Kalim Dabo > 7
[ 2013.06.12 22:38:00 ] Kalim Dabo > 6
[ 2013.06.12 22:38:02 ] Kalim Dabo > 5
[ 2013.06.12 22:38:04 ] Kalim Dabo > 4
[ 2013.06.12 22:38:06 ] Kalim Dabo > 3
[ 2013.06.12 22:38:22 ] Kalim Dabo > one moment...
[ 2013.06.12 22:38:43 ] Kalim Dabo > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL!!!
[ 2013.06.12 22:39:46 ] Kalim Dabo > ok, now that that is done, let's talk about how much your pod is worth ;)
[ 2013.06.12 22:40:02 ] Kalim Dabo > say....30 million?
[ 2013.06.12 22:40:34 ] snowman Sharpie > eat a dick?
[ 2013.06.12 22:40:57 ] Kalim Dabo > now that isn't very nice :(
[ 2013.06.12 22:41:14 ] Kalim Dabo > tell you what
[ 2013.06.12 22:41:21 ] snowman Sharpie > fuck off mate

After leaving our corporation in disgrace, snowman embarked on a campaign of intimidation against us. He would wait until one of our pilots logged in, open a convo, and say something like "fuck you," then close the convo before we could attempt to reason with him, and twice he placed bounties of 1 million isk each on our members, forcing them to fly in fear for their lives as would-be gankers in the system stare at them with greedy eyeballs. He too, refused all efforts to bring him to the light of the Code.


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Turning Over a New Leaf

The Revolutionary Front is turning over a new leaf. We are giving up our pirating, ninjaing, ganking and generally evil ways, and re-establishing ourselves as a humble mining corporation in highsec. Yes, that's right, a mining corporation. Seriously.


Of course, I do not actually mine. Somebody has to supervise, after all. Nor do the diehard remnants of our corporation, still hanging on from our heyday as the premier new-player-oriented piracy corporation in EVE Online. But we plan on recruiting miners, lots of miners, as well as Orca and freighter pilots, and nurturing them to become a great industrial empire.

Of course, it goes without saying that we hold our miners responsible on an individual level for mining in strict compliance with the New Halaima Code of Conduct, and we are ready to take action to chastise them when they stray from the Code. If we are going to be a mining corporation then we will accept nothing less than to be a model of virtue and integrity.

New Recruit: Blake Phosphor
Not long after putting up this advert, I found an application in my inbox from one Blake Phosphor. A quick check into his history revealed that he was a fellow EVE University alumnus, so I made haste to accept him and to make him feel welcome in our corporation.

You can imagine how betrayed we all felt when Blake showed up at our first corporate mining operation without a permit, or a statement of support for James 315 in his bio. We had no choice but to punish him. My alt, Kalim Dabo, recently returned from a stint with Brave Newbies Inc, was assigned the task. He boarded his trusty Harpy, warped to Blake in space, warp scrambled him, and blasted his two Hobgoblin IIs. About this time Mr. Phosphor noticed that something unexpected was happening.


[ 2013.05.28 23:14:06 ] Blake Phosphor > Why are you shooting me?
[ 2013.05.28 23:14:11 ] Kalim Dabo > 100 million or the mackinaw dies
[ 2013.05.28 23:14:26 ] Kalim Dabo > oh yeah, I'm a pirate :D
[ 2013.05.28 23:14:38 ] Blake Phosphor > ...0.o against your own corp?
[ 2013.05.28 23:14:50 ] Kalim Dabo > heh...yeah
[ 2013.05.28 23:14:59 ] Blake Phosphor > That seems...like a bad idea
[ 2013.05.28 23:15:10 ] Kalim Dabo > works quite well, actually
[ 2013.05.28 23:15:14 ] Blake Phosphor > I seee
[ 2013.05.28 23:15:29 ] Kalim Dabo > i always honor ransoms, don't worry about that
[ 2013.05.28 23:16:05 ] Kalim Dabo > i'm going to take your shields down a bit, don't be alarmed
[ 2013.05.28 23:16:33 ] Blake Phosphor > hmmmm
[ 2013.05.28 23:16:46 ] Kalim Dabo > ok, how about that isk?
[ 2013.05.28 23:16:57 ] Blake Phosphor > how can I be sure youll honor it?
[ 2013.05.28 23:16:59 ] Kalim Dabo > too much, make an offer
[ 2013.05.28 23:17:20 ] Blake Phosphor > Im guessing your not a miner?
[ 2013.05.28 23:17:26 ] Kalim Dabo > me, no
[ 2013.05.28 23:17:31 ] Blake Phosphor > I see
[ 2013.05.28 23:17:45 ] Blake Phosphor > 50m
[ 2013.05.28 23:17:58 ] Kalim Dabo > 75
[ 2013.05.28 23:18:16 ] Blake Phosphor > deal
[ 2013.05.28 23:18:20 ] Kalim Dabo > cool
[ 2013.05.28 23:18:32 ] Kalim Dabo > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL!



[ 2013.05.28 23:18:48 ] Blake Phosphor > yaaaa i figured
[ 2013.05.28 23:19:04 ] Kalim Dabo > hehe, sorry
[ 2013.05.28 23:20:14 ] Kalim Dabo > have a glorious day!

Then one of our corp-members thoughtfully salvaged the wreck (intact armor plates, woohoo!), and we camped Blake in station for five minutes or so, and killed him again when he undocked in a Rifter, then podded him. Total profit - 75 million in "ransom", plus another 75 million or so in loot and salvage, all for a few minutes of work. Maybe all those other highsec mining corps are onto something, the isk/hour  is turning out to be better than I thought.

I offered Blake the opportunity to purchase a mining permit and get back to work, but he rather rudely declined and dropped corp. Perhaps it is for the best, but the loss of Blake has left us, once again, a mining corp without a miner. And the saga continues...


Friday, May 10, 2013

2 Hulks, a Retriever, and an Ibis - Part 2: A Scout's Revenge

This will be brief.

I had to follow up on my last post to mention that today my scout got his revenge on the criminal Ibis pilot, Lard Jadise, who attempted to gank him yesterday. This character was basically a hauler alt and decoy miner, with only minimal combat skills, but he was at least able to fit out a Rifter, and decided to execute his killright himself, rather than outsourcing it.

When he noticed that Lord Jadise was online and back in Nakugard, he took his Rifter and went out hunting. He started by warping to the first asteroid belt while he checked dscan at max range and 360 degrees. Sure enough, "Lord Jadise's Hulk" was right on there, and when he landed in the top belt, he learned that he would need to look no further - the rebel was right there, within warp disruptor range. The results were predictable but nonetheless satisfying.


As an added bonus, Dog was able to obtain 100 million isk in ransom before carrying out the rebel's sentence. Also, the fellow's corpmates warped in and served as an audience for the whole thing in some formidable looking combat ships. Unfortunately, they didn't attempt a gank, and would have failed if they had, as some charitable individual had already spawned CONCORD in the belt.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

2 Hulks, a Retriever, and an Ibis

It's springtime in New England. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, et cetera, et cetera. As a result, I haven't been playing as much EVE Online as usual. I've been getting outside a lot, riding my bicycle and enjoying the beautiful weather, only getting online for a couple hours at a time, two or three times per week. I can always make time, however, to enrich the gameplay experience of the highsec mining community by enforcing the New Halaima Code of Conduct.

The ice fields of Nakugard
Welcome to Nakugard
Nakugard is a 0.5 security system in Minmatar space, right next door to Hek, the 5th largest trade hub in EVE. Nakugard has 23 asteroid belts and 1 ice belt, and at any given moment there are typically around 100 people in local chat, many of them miners. Bot-aspirancy is an accepted, indeed a celebrated part of the local culture. When scouting the area, I was horrified and disgusted to see miners making comments like, "I'm going afk," and "love afk mining," in local chat without a hint of shame or remorse.

Nakugard has clearly already felt the influence of the New Order. The ice belt is full of Skiffs and Procurers. James 315 and the New Order are a frequent topic of conversation. While many of the local miners are well aware of the Code, the system seems to have become a sort of hub for rebels and their sympathizers. Clearly they are in need of some punitive action, and I've been spending some of my extremely limited game time to do my part by ganking any exhumers I find floating around without a tank.

demmon6
This incorrigable bot-aspirant was found mining Scordite in the asteroid belts alongside his alt, Demmon666. My scout found them there in two Hulks, mining away and barely aware of their surroundings. When my scout warped in with a Procurer and sidled right up to them at 500 meters it raised no alarms. A ship scanner revealed no tank on either of them. My scout made himself comfortable, pointed his strip miner at a rock, and waited.

Meanwhile, my alt H3donism Bot rushed to the area from six or seven jumps away, threw together a Gankalyst in Hek, and jumped into Nakugard. The minutes that had passed had done nothing to alert the target. I saw no reason to delay any longer, so I warped in and cleansed the belt of demmon6's Hulk with purifying fire. Surprisingly, he then found his way back to the keyboard:


[ 2013.05.03 15:17:05 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Nakugard
[ 2013.05.03 15:20:15 ] H3donism Bot > gf
[ 2013.05.03 15:20:56 ] demmon6 > all watch out for H3donism Bot (GANKER)
[ 2013.05.03 15:22:21 ] H3donism Bot > slander!
[ 2013.05.03 15:22:38 ] H3donism Bot > i demand an apology!
[ 2013.05.03 15:23:56 ] Demmon666 > kill your self
[ 2013.05.03 15:24:44 ] H3donism Bot > that isn't very nice :(
[ 2013.05.03 15:24:58 ] Demmon666 > your not very nice
[ 2013.05.03 15:25:07 ] Demmon666 > so kill your self
[ 2013.05.03 15:26:09 ] H3donism Bot > all this unpleasantness could have been avoided if you had just purchased a mining permit
[ 2013.05.03 15:26:32 ] H3donism Bot > have a little respect for the law in highsec, bro
[ 2013.05.03 15:26:59 ] mammasita > H3donism Bot hey ur not concord lol
[ 2013.05.03 15:27:20 ] mammasita > H3donism Bot and thoes permits is like toilet paper lol
[ 2013.05.03 15:27:48 ] mammasita > Demmon666 i wouldn't say that not nice and i think CCP can band u from the game
[ 2013.05.03 15:27:55 ] mammasita > but dont qout me on that
[ 2013.05.03 15:28:03 ] H3donism Bot > James 315 is the law in highsec, and I am a knight of the new order, so enforcing the law is my business
[ 2013.05.03 15:28:17 ] mammasita > no he's not lol
[ 2013.05.03 15:28:35 ] mammasita > he more of a joke in HS then anythings, sorry to say
[ 2013.05.03 15:28:57 ] Estherenza > ^
[ 2013.05.03 15:29:19 ] H3donism Bot > Kill: demmon6 (Hulk) obey the Code, or this could happen to any of you, as sad as it makes me
[ 2013.05.03 15:29:43 ] mammasita > COME AT ME BROOO i anit scuuured
[ 2013.05.03 15:29:48 ] H3donism Bot > www.minerbumping.com

Dralanku
After demmon6, I had to run, the out-of-game world wanted me. A few days later I was able to log on once more and scout around. I was sad to see that the local miners hadn't yet learned to respect the Code. They were back out there, doing what they always do. I steeled myself to carry out my duty, and began scouting for another target.

It took only a few minutes to find Dralanku in his Hulk, sitting right on top of his alt in an Orca. Dralanku was clearly afk. When my scout Procurer arrived and got in position to provide a warp-in his mining lasers weren't even active. He was just sitting there idle in space. Eventually, as I was making myself ready, he turned them on, but remained oblivious to the world around him. I don't know about you all, but if I was a miner it would make me pretty nervous if somebody I didn't know warped to my belt, approached me to 500 meters, and stayed there mining. Somehow it almost never tips them off, as obvious a setup as it is.

I warped in and blasted him, of course. This time I made a youtube video! It's a new thing for me, so be kind, I just uploaded it as is, with no editing.


Vik silf and Lord Jadise
Several hours later, I was back at the computer, and figured I'd seek out another target. My scout located a Hulk and a Mackinaw in an asteroid belt. The Hulk warped off shortly after he got there, but the Mack stayed and scans proved that he was tankless. I got my gank alt ready.

Just as I was getting ready to go at it, the Mack warped off. I figured he might just be headed back to station to drop off his ore and return, so I bided my time. Suddenly, my scout noticed flashing on his overview. A retriever on the far end of the belt, which we had been ignoring, had just gone suspect! And was continuing to mine! This was too good to be true and had to be taken advantage of. My scout quickly dropped a corp bookmark on one of the roids near the Retriever, while my gank alt jumped into system. I warped to the bookmark and lawfully killed the criminal miner, then warped away with my Catalyst intact and docked up.

My scout then moved in, looted and salvaged the wreck. As he was doing this, he noticed that the escaped Mackinaw pilot had returned to the belt, but in an Ibis. This was a curious development indeed.  The Ibis approached him, and my scout watched, curious what the pilot's intentions might be. The Ibis yellowboxed him. 

We considered what this could mean. Surely the Ibis pilot wasn't going to gank a tanked Procurer with
The Catalyst - Highsec Code Enforcement
a rookie ship. We figured it had to either be some kind of passive aggressive "carebear stare", or maybe the fellow was scanning his ship to see if he was fitted as a gank scout. My scout decided that whatever it was, it wasn't getting us another exhumer kill, so he started aligning to warp off. Just as he did, his overview flashed red. The Bear was indeed trying to gank a Procurer with an Ibis.

At that point, it was too late to abort the warp, so he bounced right back and found the pod floating there stationary, locked it up and killed it with his Warrior 1s for the best podkill so far in our Nakugard campaign. GFs were exchanged all around. Well...mostly the GFs were from us, with the botters, bot-aspirants and shameless rebels in local studiously ignoring us.

Following Through
Ganking miners is always a charity. Those of us who do it, do it more as a service to the EVE community as a whole than for profit or lulz. That being the case, it is always best to reach out to the miners involved and explain to them the reasons why their ship was singled out for destruction. Lately I have been sending out a form EVE mail used by the New Order, and often offering friendly advice in local chat as well, so the greater community of the solar system can benefit as well.

Unfortunately, carebears are, generally speaking, an ungrateful and vulgar people. Some of the replies that you receive display a true lack of class. Go to www.minerbumping.com and check out the weekly Highsec Miner Grab Bag posts for some real insight into the true nature of the EVE carebear. I promise you it will be both amusing and enlightening.

For those of you who want more, here's a couple chatlogs I recorded during all this:

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Dark Arts: A Newbie's Handbook for Evil Shenanigans

Even Newbies can be Space Pirates
How to be a successful eve pirate with less than a million SP

Lately I have been seeing a lot of threads on the forums to the tune of "I'm a newbie and I want to be a pirate", and I've been thinking a lot about my own early days in the game. Before I had even finished the tutorials I heard that it was possible to pirate other players in this game, and I knew that was what I wanted to do. Then I fell in with a bad crowd (EVE University) who fooled me into thinking that the pirate lifestyle was either somehow morally wrong or that it took a lot of SP to do it right. The first argument is downright silly, but you will hear it a lot if you choose this lifestyle. EVE is a role playing game, and it is always fun to role play the bad guy. There is absolutely nothing that you can do in an in-game context that is immoral or unethical, so long as you are not breaching the EULA or Rules of Conduct. The second argument is also untrue - there is no SP requirement for being a pirate.

E-Uni also fooled me into subscribing to a fallacious notion of what an EVE pirate actually is. The myth that I bought into was that piracy consisted of living in lowsec, having -10 sec status, and tackling people and holding them for ransom. This is, indeed, one form of piracy, but it is far from the whole picture. I started my pirating career in low and nullsec, and found that while I was having fun there, I couldn't afford to support myself financially by criminal activity alone, so I made the move to pirating in highsec so that I could pay the bills without needing to resort to any sort of PVE or otherwise "legitimate" forms of making isk. This has worked out well, because highsec piracy is extremely lucrative compared to low or null.

I define EVE piracy, personally, as any act that involves blowing up other people's ships when they haven't consented to a PvP encounter, or making off with their isk or possessions either through theft, intimidation, or deception while flying imaginary spaceships. That covers a lot of ground, I know. Piracy, in all these forms, is a noble and rewarding occupation, and it is worth arguing that it is the exact thing which makes EVE special and distinguishes it from other games. As a new player, you can participate and theoretically be successful in any form of piracy that you can imagine. However, in my experience there are some forms of piracy that work quite well for new players and others which don't, which may lead you to get frustrated and give up on it. My focus here today will be to discuss what you can do with reasonable odds of success. With a little luck and perseverance, you should be able to swear off carebearing altogether and begin funding your EVE career solely off the tears of your victims.

Preparation
A pirate is a higher class of EVE player than the common rabble. He talks smack in local with wit and coherence while the carebears are fuming and cursing at him. His success is often based on superior situational awareness and understanding of game mechanics as much as it is on SP. He has the correct frame of mind to be an EVE predator, understanding that his ships are disposable tools, and perhaps most importantly, the pirate has friends. The carebear, by way of caparison, may have a lot of SP and a large, shiny ship, but he is only dimly aware what is going on around him most of the time, and when he loses a ship he cries as if you had murdered a member of his family. He also has no friends, generally speaking, preferring to play EVE as a single player game. This is what makes him so vulnerable to attack. If you intend to succeed at this, it is important that you do some homework to prepare yourself. While this may seem boring, in the long run it will serve you well.

Overview 
The overview is that big rectangular spreadsheet in the upper right corner of your screen that you can see when you are in space. It lists all sorts of information about the things around you. You can customize this to show only the information you need without a lot of distracting crap. Or, if you are lazy like me, you can download somebody else's customized overview settings. Lately I have been playing with Sarah's Overview Pack and like it very much. Read the instructions carefully and don't neglect to follow all the steps of the unfucking process. (I just had to use the word "unfucking", it is my favorite new word). Once you have your basic overview and start getting out there and commiting crimes, you can further customize it for your own specific needs.

Dscan
Learn what this is and how to use it. The directional scanner is one of the pirate's most useful tools, and one gives us a huge advantage over the average care bear, who is only dimly aware that such a thing exists and has no idea what to do with it. Basically, dscan will show you what it going on around you in space that isn't close enough to see on your overview. This is how you hunt people down efficiently, and how you avoid being caught by people who are hunting you.

I'm not going to spell everything out for you - do your homework. Check out EVE University's Guide. Learn to love your dscanner. Keep it open all the time and spam the scan button constantly. Practice finding people when you are bored. Get comfortable with it.

Intel
Your most immediate source of intel is always your local chat. Unless you are in a wormhole, your local chat window will list the names of all the pilots in system with you. Separate this chat window from all the others and keep it open at all times. There are a number of other tools that the game gives you to for gathering intel. Play around with the features of the in-game map (press F10), and you will be amazed how much information it will give you. You also have a watchlist and locator agents to help you hunt specific individuals. There are great out-of-game tools as well, like Dotlan and Eve-Kill. This is just scratching the surface of what is out there.

We all need a friend sometimes...
Friends

The last thing that I would argue is necessary to being a successful pirate at an early age is friends. I'm not saying that it is impossible to go it completely alone, just that it is much more difficult and probably less fun. Much of what you will be doing here is coldly dicking over other players and corporations. Pretty much all of EVE will soon be fair game for you - but nonetheless, I urge you to find a group of people who are cool with you being a dirty criminal, and to be honest and straightforward with those guys. A lot of the acts of piracy we are going to talk about are really meant to be done in a group. Your friends could be a corporation or alliance, or it could be an informal community like James 315's New Order or the Belligerent Undesirables.

If you are looking at corporations and unsure which one is for you, my suggestion would be Brave Newbies Inc, for those of you who are truly new characters looking to start a career in piracy. They are easy to join (just click apply), have pretty much no rules, and have a great community with more than enough people to accomplish anything you want to attempt. There are other options out there too. I'm told Fweddit is pretty good if you want to do some faction warfare too and if you post on reddit. Many of the null sec blocs are very supportive of their newbros causing mayhem in the galaxy as well, if you happen to have an in with them. RvB is also fine.

A good group can help you by providing the manpower and support that you need to pull these things off. They can also give you advice and information that will be useful as you go along. They'll teach you how to fit your ships competently and direct you to lots of out-of-game tools and resources. They'll teach you how to survive and get around in low, null, and holes. Just beware if they start saying things like "You can't..." or "You shouldn't..." If you start hearing things like that very often, cross them off your list of friends and start looking for any corp assets laying around that you can steal or destroy.

Evil Shenanigans and Wanton Bad Behavior


Easy Mode

Ninja Looting/Baiting
Ninja looting is the practice of scanning down highsec mission-runners with combat scanner probes and warping into their mission pockets to steal the loot and/or salvage the wrecks. It is a traditional form of piracy with a long history in EVE, and can be quite lucrative. The carebears also hate it, which makes for lively local chat and bounty mails in your inbox. Ninja baiting is an extension of this, which some individuals have elevated to an art. It is the act whereby you taunt the mission runners into shooting at you, which creates a limited engagement and allows you to shoot back without getting CONCORDed. Then you kill them or hold their ship for ransom. Or both.


Suicide Ganking
Suicide ganking is another pretty easy way to ruin another player's day for fun and profit in highsec. It is easy, anyway, if you have a realistic sense of what you want to do and enough people to pull it off. The execution is simple - you find a target and blow it up before CONCORD can show up and destroy you, then you have another character loot the wrecks and run off with the loot. As easy as this is, a lot of people screw it up when they first attempt it. You basically just have to understand the math behind it. If you look up the info about your ship, you can see your rate of fire and damage per volley. You then look up CONCORD response times for the system you are in and calculate how many volleys you will get. If your total damage exceeds the EHP of the target ship, then you know you will win. Or if you are lazy, let Psychotic Monk do the math for you.

If you are doing this for pure profit, then you best bet will be to target haulers, or alternately to hunt mission-runners and incursion runners. For years, miner ganking was a fun and profitable way to pass an afternoon playing EVE. Unfortunately, the game developers hate it when people have fun, so they tweaked the game mechanics in order to make it pretty difficult to actually turn a profit from ganking miners. Then along came James 315, the Savior of Highsec. He reimburses your losses from miner ganking, making it once again a profitable occupation. Check out his website at www.minerbumping.com for more info. Click the "Gank" tab to get info about how to train your Catalyst pilot and how to get involved in his movement.


Slightly Harder

Corporate Infiltration
I call this a "slightly harder" activity, but it can either be very easy or very hard, depending on your specific marks and the goals that you set for yourself. The basic idea is simple - join a corporation with the intention of doing them harm. This can mean going on a wanton killing spree of your corp-mates, protected by the game mechanic which allows you to shoot your corpmates in highsec without getting CONCORDed. This is called "going on Safari," or "AWOXing". Other possibilities are corporate theft or abusing their trust to scam the members out of their isk and assets. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination and the extent of your own evil nature. And as you are playing a role-playing game, there is no reason to allow your conscience to limit you.

Corporate infiltration can be done in high, low, or nullsec, or in wormholes. Wormhole corporations in particular are quite vulnerable to it, as they are forced to live out of, and store all their assets in, Player Owned Starbases (POSes), which tend to be vulnerable to in-corp thefts.

Psychotic Monk recently wrote an excellent guide to Safariing highsec carebear corps which is well worth a read.

Reverse AWOXing
Hey there, new recruit...


Closely related to the above, this is another particularly evil stunt that can make you lots of isk, get you lots of kills, and earn you lots of pretty much harmless enemies. Train the skill Corporation Management to 1, and form your own corporation. Give it a name and description that will be appealing to your chosen class of targets. All this should cost an initial investment of 1.6 million isk or so.

Say, for example, you want to target miners. So you fit yourself out a nice destroyer to do your killing, you form your corp and name it something like "AWOX Industries". Then you write a corp description that says something along the lines of "We are a young corp focused on Mining, PVE, and PVP. We run weekly mining ops. Currently recruiting miners, as well as Orca and freighter pilots." Then you pitch the corp a bit until somebody applies. When they do, make up a bullshit mining op or something to lure them in, then tackle them, kill their drones if they have them, and hold their ship for ransom. Then kill them and loot/salvage the wreck. And repeat. 


A great trick is to give them a corporate role, which prevents them from leaving the corp without waiting for a 24 hour timer to run out first. Then you can try to get them to pay you to boot them from the corporation. Until they pay, you follow them around and kill them every time they undock. The carebears will love this, trust me.

You can also use this tactic in a low sec or nullsec context to great effect. "Sure, I'll light a cyno for you, buddy, just give me a few minutes (to batphone my friends...)" You may have to look a little harder to find a target for that sort of thing, but it can be well worth it.


Moderately Difficult

Fishing for Bears
This is lowsec piracy at it's finest, and can be adapted to be done in null or wormholes as well. To pull this off requires a bit of patience, but it can be fun and rewarding. The basic idea is that you find a pocket of lowsec where there is PVE activity happening, and not a lot of competition from other pirates.

Move to the area, get to know it, make lots of bookmarks. Then you wait patiently for a carebear to come along to run a mission or to pick up his planetary materials, and you use dscan and combat scanner probes to hunt them down. When you find him, warp in on them with a combat ship, tackle them and try to extract ransom. A single newbie in a competently fit frigate or destroyer should be able to kill cruisers and battlecruisers this way - remember that most of them will be fit for PVE, not PVP, so it is easier than you might think. Two or three newbies in frigates or dessies can take on most battleships.

I expect that when the Odyssey expansion is released in June we will see an uptick in the number of Bears coming to lowsec to run exploration sites. We should all be prepared to feast upon their tears. Exploration ships often use covops cloaking devices and can be slippery, but they do need to drop their cloaks to actually run sites, so that is where you need to catch them. One way to potentially speed up the process is to proactively scan down and bookmark all the exploration signatures in the system you are working when you first set up for the day, so that you can find these Bears quickly when you get your window of opportunity.

Here is a link to another article I wrote that talks about this in some more detail.

Incidentally, you can also fish for bears in this manner in wormholes or nullsec. It may be a bit more challenging due to the fact that many of your targets will be more situationally aware, but can be more rewarding as well.

Gatecamping
This can be done in low or null, and even in highsec under wardecs. For the purposes of this article, I'm mainly thinking of lowsec, though. Gatecamping is simply the practice of camping out in combat ships on a gate, preferably on a trade route or chokepoint in the region and waiting for targets to walk right into you, then blow them up. 

The thing that makes lowsec gatecamping difficult for newbies is the sentry guns. Every gate is surrounded by sentry guns that will shoot at you if you aggress someone who is not considered a valid target (outlaw or wartarget) within 150km of them. If you are in a frigate or destroyer, they will pop you almost instantly. In a tanked cruiser, you should have enough time to warp away before you die. If you warp away, then warp right back, you can resume combat with the same target without taking more gate gun fire.

For newbies to be successful gatecamping, you need to have a fairly large group, generally, and primarily be in cruisers. Warp disruptors are good for the added useful range, stasis webifiers are good to prevent your targets from just burning back to the gate and jumping back through, ECM is great for making sure they don't shoot back at you, and sensor boosters are awesome for making sure that you can lock and tackle them before they can warp off. Your goal in most cases is to blow them up as quickly as you can, not wasting time on ransom, because they may use that time to get back to the gate and run away. As newbies, you should all be in cruisers, with everybody shooting at the targets and warping away then bouncing back as you start taking gate gun damage. A well set up gate camp will also have a cloaked scout sitting on the other side to tell you what will be coming through, so you can get yourselves ready or run away as the situation requires.

Camping in nullsec is also very doable for newbies. In some ways it is better, actually, because you don't need to worry about gate guns, so you can bring out your fast tackle frigates. You can also set up mobile warp disruptors to prevent people from warping off, or catch people warping into your camp from your own system. The drawback is that you seem to catch less random jackoffs from highsec when you are camping in null, and more PvP fleets.


Fucking Hard (for newbies, anyway)

Wardecs
Some people have made an art of aggressive war declarations as a form of piracy. Wardec somebody, and you can blow up or ransom their ships at will in high security space. Or hold their corp for ransom and get them to pay up to drop the wardec. I've tried running these sorts of wardecs myself while leading a corp full of newbies and haven't had any real success with it, hence the classification of "fucking hard". If you find the right targets, this could potentially be a gold mine, but it has some pretty big drawbacks where new players are concerned.

First, to declare war, you need to have your own corporation. That isn't particularly hard or expensive, but then you come to the wardec fee. It starts at 50 million isk per week and scales up with larger corporations. So just to break even you need to take in that much profit each week. That wouldn't be so bad if, having found a juicy target corp and declared war, you could then be sure of getting kills. Unfortunately, though, the defender needs to consent to actually participate in the war. If they say, "Nah...don't feel like a war this week..." then they can just disband and reform their corp to opt out of the whole thing.

All that said, highsec wardecs are a long standing tradition of EVE piracy. You, too, can participate in these and turn a profit if you are bold, clever, and determined. Here is some more reading on the subject. And some more.

Random screenshot, cuz EVE is so pretty...
Reflections

The life of an EVE pirate is, perhaps, the only worthwhile life in this internet spaceship game we all love. Or, at any rate, it it better than pretty much everything else you could do. Too many EVE players fall into the traps that carebears lay for them, being sucked down the road of doing PVE for their isk and turning up their noses at "unethical gameplay" or "abusing broken game mechanics to grief people". These are just the things that useless carebears say and do to make themselves feel special. You all want to be pirates. I want you all to be pirates. I even believe that CCP wants you all to be pirates - if they actually gave a crap about PVE then the Bears wouldn't still be repeating the same couple dozen missions over and over again, CCP would have given them some new ones sometime in the last i-don't-know-how-many years.

The conventional wisdom has long been that piracy wasn't something new players could do, but I reject that. Others have said that you can do it, but that you need an isk-generating alt running missions or mining to pay for your combat losses. I reject that as well. By starting with the activities I have talked about and not limiting yourself to one zone of space or one narrow definition of piracy, you should be able to make 100% of the isk you need from theft, extortion, and imaginary spaceship violence without any real difficulty. All you need is a little bit of initiative, a little bit of luck, a little bit of imagination, and a willingness to gleefully fuck over other players in every way that you can.

Good luck, newbies, and fly boldly.